Gay Surrogacy Services
With more than 400 happy babies to our credit, we're proud to say that all kinds of couples, from Tokyo to Tampa and everywhere in between, have been able to build their family. People from all over the world have been using The Select Surrogate complete their families for nearly 10 years.
While we are consistently listed among the top agencies in the country, our proudest achievement is that we have become known as the agency of choice for same sex couples looking to have their own biological child. Gay surrogacy is a hot button issue in many states, but we've embraced the opportunity to provide any couple, regardless of their sexual orientation, the chance to have a family.
You might have seen our staff at the San Diego LGBT Pride Festival or at similar festivals in Palm Springs, Long Beach, and Los Angeles, or attended one of our free "How to Become a Parent" seminars throughout Southern California. Or maybe you heard about us from one of the dozens of gay parents we've worked with over the last decade.
However you got here, thank you. The reason you're here is to learn how surrogacy works for gay couples and how to get started. We've compiled this page to help you do just that.
First, the basics
For a child to be born it needs sperm, an egg and a uterus. For gay couples to have their own biological child, obviously there is some work to do. We've broken it down here into three basic steps.
STEP 1
The Egg Donor
Egg donors are women who are generally under 29, in excellent health and are willing to give their eggs to a man or gay couple so they can have a baby. This woman has generally sought out an agency like ours that is very open to gay surrogacy because we help match the donor with great intended parents like you and help both parties navigate the egg donation process, from the initial medical screening to the final egg retrieval.
Once you've chosen an egg donor, most agencies will then begin a screening process to make sure the donor is physically capable of handling the various fertility medications and that her ovaries are functioning normally. At The Select Surrogate, however, all of our egg donors have been pre-screened, so there's no risk of our intended parents getting their hearts set on a donor only to be disappointed when she fails a medical screening.
When a match is set, the egg donor begins a series of medication under the care of a fertility specialist. The medication causes her ovaries to release more eggs than they would normally. With a healthy young woman under the right circumstances, a donor may provide between 8-10 healthy eggs.
Once the eggs are retrieved through a short medical procedure, the egg donor is compensated her previously agreed-upon sum, and her part is done.
*Note: Egg donors are not always found through an agency. When dealing with gay couples, it is not uncommon for a family member or friend to be willing to go through the process as their gift. When handled correctly this can be a beautiful arrangement. However, some gay couples prefer the agency route, where the donor doesn't typically have much interaction with the men during the process and virtually no contact afterward.
Once eggs are retrieved, the next step is to fertilize them.
Turning Eggs Into Embryos
Once eggs are retrieved, the next step is to fertilize them.
In the situation of a male gay couple, both men may choose to provide sperm, and sometimes only one will.
Laboratory staff will use the provided sperm and fertilize the eggs using IVF-related procedures. The next step is putting one or two of the best fertilized eggs into a uterus. For that, gay men need a surrogate.
STEP 2
The Surrogate
Believe it or not, there are some women who love giving life and who love helping couples create families. These women, while compensated, don't do it for the money. They become surrogates because they genuinely love children and the idea of helping make families. They have a history of being able to handle pregnancy well and without complication.
Surrogates who sign up with our agencies have also had psychological and medical screenings to make sure they're healthy and emotionally stable.
When choosing a surrogate it's important to factor in chemistry. After all, gay couples work with a surrogate indirectly for about a year, from start to finish. It has to be someone with whom you can communicate and get along.
There are two types of surrogacy. One is Gestational and the other is Traditional.
Traditional surrogacy means the surrogate using her own eggs and shares a biological link to the child.
Gestational surrogacy means the surrogate has no genetic link to the child because her eggs were not the ones used to create the pregnancy. The eggs were instead provided by an egg donor.
We encourage all our gay surrogacy couples to use a gestational surrogate because they have no genetic link to the child, so they have no parental claim. This has been established by strong case law.
In Johnson v. Calvert the California Supreme Court held that gestational surrogates had no parental rights to the child born to them, meaning a gestational surrogacy contract was legal and enforceable.
Since that ruling, thousands of gay couples have had children through gestational surrogacy in California and there has been no record of any court disputes that would compromise their full parental rights.
Gay men have many options to have a child who is biologically their own, says Select Surrogate & Egg Donor's Medical Director Dr. Samuel Wood. Through surrogacy and egg donation we've been helping gay male couples do that for two decades.
At Select Surrogate & Egg Donor, we will provide you with the profiles of a few women we feel best match your criteria and personality. We will then arrange a meeting (in person if possible, but over the phone if distance is a challenge) between you and the surrogates of your choice. The meeting is an opportunity for you to get a feel for the surrogates and for them to get a feel for you.
Once you settle on the surrogate you wish to work with, we will ask them how they felt. If both you and your surrogate agree to a match, then you move into the contract phase.
Our staff will refer you then to outside legal experts who specialize in drawing up surrogacy contracts that clearly outline what your financial responsibilities are as intended parents as well as the responsibilities of the surrogate. Once the contracts are drawn up, the surrogacy can begin.
This process traditionally runs in parallel to the egg donor process so that the cycles can be coordinated whenever possible.
Once the contract is set the surrogate may begin medications to make sure her body is best prepared to accept a pregnancy. When the surrogate is ready, eggs from your egg donor will be fertilized with your sperm and then transferred into the surrogate. A few weeks later a pregnancy test will occur.
Step 3
The Pregnancy
Once your surrogate is pregnant, they will be under the specialized care of their fertility specialist for at least 10 to 12 weeks with frequent ultrasounds and check-ups. At Select Surrogate & Egg Donor we often speak with both the surrogate and her doctor to monitor progress and keep you updated. Occasionally we will even accompany them on their medical visits. Of course we encourage an open line of communication between you and your surrogate as well.
After the initial trimester of pregnancy is complete, the surrogate will graduate to a specialty ObGyn who has experience in surrogacy pregnancies. We will again monitor progress at this point and throughout the entire pregnancy, up to and including delivery.
Eventually the surrogate will be given a due date. Our intended parents need to be in the same general geographic area of the surrogate when labor begins because, of course, once born the baby will be needing his/her parents.
Prior to delivery, the hospital will be notified that the surrogate is not the baby's intended parents and they will be given legal paperwork establishing your parental rights. So once the baby is born, the baby belongs to you.
After delivery, a baby will stay in the hospital at least 24 hours. Sometimes longer just to make sure the baby is stable. During that time you will have complete visitation rights and will be able to stay by your baby's side as long as you like. Once the hospital discharges your baby, you get to take him/her home and begin living your life as a family.
And Finally…
Very often our surrogates like to receive little updates about progress of the child they've helped bring into the world, and about your family. If you're comfortable with that, our experience has been that the bond created between you is often very special.
However, a large portion of intended parents choose to move forward from the process without looking back at all. That choice is also perfectly natural. We support you in whatever decision you make.
It's not at all uncommon for an intended parent to come back to us for second or even third child. This is almost always an easier process because in most cases, the egg donation cycle yielded excess embryos that are of a high enough quality to be used for more pregnancies. They are simply stored in frozen stasis at the fertility clinic, waiting to be used. When you're ready, whether you want to use the same surrogate as before or have us match you with another one, we're here and ready to help.
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So what do you do next? Simple! Call to schedule your first appointment with our coordinator!
Call Lindsay at (858) 453-2229 or email Lmcgrath@selectsurrogate.com.